Ebert & Roeper -- Step Aside!
Last night, I did something I normally don't do. I watched movies -- two of them! Cari, Smash, and I went to Blockbuster (who has instituted new rental combo's in the store) and got a 'three new releases for $9.99' combo. Each of us selected a movie; we got Fun With Dick & Jane, Walk the Line, and Brokeback Mountain.
After I finished, I realized why I don't watch movies.
Since my expertise goes far beyond simple blogging, I feel the need to give my reviews of the two movies. Now let's be clear: I don't have a degree in film review, nor do I consider myself an expert, but I know a thing or two about entertainment.
First of all, we didn't get to Walk the Line last night, and since my experience with the first two movies was less than enjoyable, I probably won't see that one.
Fun With Dick & Jane - Derrick's Choice
To be clear, I'm not a fan of Jim Carey, but damn I think Tea Leoni is hot. It's hard to find anyone in Hollywood who has a set of stems like her.
Let's get to the movie.
Before I rented it, I asked the guy at Blockbuster which new release was the funniest. This was what he recommended. Apparently he hasn't seen it. There were a few funny scenes, and it picked up pretty quick at the end, but it was, by no means, a knee slapper. The acting was what you'd expect from a Jim Carey flick, and even though I don't care for his style, he's good at what he does.
The son in the movie was basically raised by the Mexican housekeeper, so he added a little comic relief by being an 8-year old white boy who kept speaking in Spanish. I wish they'd have given a little more of an explanation on him, though.
Overall, it was an okay movie. I won't see it again, but I wouldn't make fun of people who do. If you're a casual movie-goer, don't waste your time, unless of course, you want to see Tea Leoni's legs.
Brokeback Mountain - Cari's Choice
Let's be clear, I make fun of this movie by calling it Bareback Mountain. It's a joke, and I base it on the gay cowboy connection, but I make fun of all movies, so it's nothing personal. Let me make sure this is understood: I don't care about the gay side of this movie. That doesn't bother me, and I show no bias toward this movie because of it.
And, a quick PSA, gay people should be allowed to marry. I've come around. Everyone, grow up and get off your soap box! Let people live their own lives.
Back to the movie.
Forget a long winded review; let's get straight to the point: I didn't care for this movie at all. People say the movie isn't about gay cowboys, but a love story between two people. Too bad I saw it in a different way.
Here's a quick rundown: two cowboys meet up while doing a job. One night, they wake up horny and decide to do each other. Once the job is done, they go their separate ways (one to Texas, one toWyoming) and start their own lives, which include wives and children. Boy from Texas drives to Wyoming about once a month to a getaway trip in the mountains for some wrastin' in the woods. Wives are left alone, and boys ultimately never get together.
Even though two men fall in love, they're cheaters! So to me, this movie wasn't about love, it was about selfishness, infidelity, and lying. It was a perfect movie for our society who believes it's okay for someone to cheat on their spouse if we're in love.
Damn I hate cheaters.
But, regarding the gay side of the movie, if you didn't know it was about gay cowboys, the first time they 'did it' would have been a real shock. I knew, but certainly didn't expect it.
Overall, the movie was slow and unentertaining for someone like me who needs a lot of action. One upside, though, was titties! They did show women naked. At least they tried to keep me interested.
If you're a homophobe, don't watch this movie. If you don't like fake, shitty country accents, don't watch this movie. As a matter of fact, if you believe in monogamy, don't waste your time.
This movie is for open minded people who believe it's okay to cheat. But they do show titties.
Both of these movies prove to me why my time is better spent on MySpace or watching the Golden Girls. At least with those, I know what I'm going to get, and Betty White always did have a nice charm to her.
Labels: Movies
